Handle With Care
The Situation
You’re walking into a room to have a conversation you don’t want to have. Whether it’s “The company’s under new management,” “You’re not great, yet,” “Your grand idea is a no-go,” “I’m concerned about what you’re doing, “You’re fired,” or “There’s a pandemic,” the conversation’s going to be hard. Trying to defuse workplace conflict, break bad news, or communicate big changes with empathy and compassion – while still getting the job done – is a tall order. In the worst cases, emotions run high, egos get involved, blame is thrown, people shut down… How do you prepare for and navigate hard talks with your team members?
The Play
For conversations meant to keep the relationship going:
Ask yourself why you’re having the conversation.
It’s one conversation. Keep your expectations grounded.
Prep for the conversation, have it early, and encourage more.
Don’t hint – be specific and direct.
Be mindful of the impact of emotions and relationships.
For firing someone (with care):
Remember your responsibility to the high performers in your organization.
Remember that you’re doing this to protect the culture.
Make sure this convo is coming at the end of a journey, not the start of one.
Go Long
New Essay: A Tactical Guide to Tough Conversations
“Having the tough conversation is, well, tough. Difficult conversations, workplace conflict, bad news, and big change announcements can be defining moments for company culture, business health, and relationships, both professional and personal. And the reality is that when the stakes are highest, we’re predisposed to be at our worst.”
New on Permanent Podcast
Rule #1: Permanent Approach (Ep 3): Brent and Mark sit down with David to discuss Rule #1 in the Permanent Equity Approach to stewarding companies that care what happens next. It's both essential and aspirational. Also Brent makes repeated ginger jokes (Mark and David both have red hair) and Mark explains why he's the Darth Vader of Permanent Equity.
Five Minute Management: How To Fire Someone (With Care): Firing someone should never be easy, but you can get better at it. Mark Brooks shares how to fire someone with care in a new segment from Permanent Equity called Five Minute Management.
(Be sure to subscribe to get the latest episodes in your feed!)
Throwback: Rule #1: Do No Harm
“By approaching our partnerships with humility and curiosity, by prioritizing outcomes in which everyone wins, by building trust in our relationships with our operations team, and by understanding the value we can provide, we’ve figured out what harm means to us. And we work like hell not to do it.”
Go Deep
Curiosity sparked? We've put together a list of resources on how to approach communicating with your team and tackling the tough subjects.
Radical Candor (Kim Scott)
+A framework for managing at the intersection of caring personally and challenging directly – while avoiding ruinous empathy, manipulative insecurity, and obnoxious aggression. “Relationships are core to your job. If you think that you can [fulfill your responsibilities as a manager] without strong relationships, you are kidding yourself. I’m not saying that unchecked power, control, or authority can’t work. They work especially well in a baboon troop or a totalitarian regime. But…that’s not what you’re shooting for.”
Crucial Conversations (Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, et al.)
+See especially the STATE acronym for when the message is tough: Share your facts.
Tell your story. Ask for others’ paths. Talk tentatively. Encourage testing. “When conversations turn from routine to crucial, we’re often in trouble. That’s because emotions don’t exactly prepare us to converse effectively. Countless generations of genetic shaping drive humans to handle crucial conversations with flying fists and fleet feet, not intelligent persuasion and gentle attentiveness.”
The Classic Guide to Better Writing (Rudolf Flesch)
+Better communication comes in a lot of forms. “The trouble with writing starts right at the beginning…” Tell us about it.
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